Digital Masterbation

For this tale, I waste little time with the build up. 

As it is a story of build up. A 15 year one.

I’ll begin near the climax. 

Literarily, and literally.

Scene: I’m driving in a car at the tail end of a very long trip. I’m in the 8th day of my horniest “week” of my life (inexplicable, really, but we can talk about that in another story). 

The only thing between me and the bliss I refused to pass up, was physical vulva stimulation.

Within milliseconds, it occurred to me I didn’t have one of my vibrators on board. This, any other lusty moment, would have been a deal breaker. 

Context: once upon a time, before I owned a rechargeable vibrator (or a car), I walked thirteen blocks roundtrip for batteries in the middle of a self-satisfaction session (only half was up hill… I’d say both ways, but I’m not a liar). 

At this point, you must understand that inside my head, I did not need to remind myself that I have never came digitally (that being with your digits (fingers)), and not via digital visual/auditory stimulus (c’mon, I’ve been in a long distance relationship…). This is a fact of which I am crystal clear: it isn’t easy for me, I’ve never succeeded, my trying has been limited (yes, I confess, I am alas normal in some things). But at this precise moment… carnally ~needing~ an orgasm… I didn’t blink a moment of frustration. My fingers took off (to get me off). 

I knew I had the power within. I knew it. I ~must.~ Today was the day.

And low & fucking behold (not without my work (literally sweating)), I came by my own hand for the first time in my life. 

The euphoric release I felt from my vagina to my brain and down to my toes... was the direct cause of my fucking own hand (my own fucking hand?). The cause & effect were both powered by the same heart. The same blood coursed through the hammer and the hammered (pounded?). 

I screamed. And not from the orgasm. I screamed for bliss of having conquered myself. My 15 year battle was overcame (I CAME). The one I didn’t think was winnable, and thus, hadn’t tried to fight. Who wanted to work hard at something when you didn’t need to? Vibrators did the job. But damn... you don’t know until you know.. self-stimulus is Next. Fucking. Level. 

I had never felt so powerful.

Post-context: Didn’t think through where you clean your hand…

Abigail Mlinar